Sad Sunday

We got through the Thanksgiving holiday fairly well. Mom was pretty well engaged and despite the usual confusion about time and schedules, I was happy to see her hang back and let the rest of us handle the duties. She ate a good portion of the mid-day meal, and also ate much of the meals my sister prepared for them while she was there. The afternoon gathering over at Mom's sister's house, just down the road, was very active and busy, but Mom was comfortable enough there to have a nice time. She was especially excited when some of us pulled out some instruments and played a few songs..  she had a ball singing along, and it was very special to see that.

Thanksgiving 2010

Earlier in the week, she had told my sister that she'd like to go to church on Sunday, so my sister was willing to stay an extra day in order to do that.. but by Saturday, Mom was so fried she changed her mind. Sister and big brother left for home on Saturday morning, not before washing and drying all the sheets and towels and leaving a list of left overs in the fridge for Dad. When I visited Saturday afternoon, Mom seemed somewhat content, but tired and, no doubt, relieved that the house was quite again. Same for Dad.

Sunday morning, I got over there only fifteen minutes after Dad left for church, about nine thirty a.m. She was slumped in her chair, with the television on, and napping with her chin on a pillow. She remarked that "I was early," and I could tell she was depressed, right off the bat.

It turned out to be a very depressing morning for me, too.

The whole morning she dozed off, with a frown on her face, her eyes closed, breathing heavy. I offered an idea for an activity, maybe I could help her write a few Christmas cards? No.

She complained that her back was hurting again. I offered her a Tylenol, but she wanted to wait until later.

I peeled and cut up a grapefruit, and she nibbled on a few pieces.

I reminded her it was her sister's birthday, and I managed to reach her by phone so that Mom could say happy birthday to her. "I love you!" she yelled in her distorted speaking voice.

I did the breakfast dishes, and noted two uneaten halves of cold toast on the cutting board. When Dad called around ten fifteen, he told me she didn't eat much for breakfast. Mom agreed to take a Tylenol for her back pain after Dad said it was okay. He told me to give her some more Ensure, as she only had juice with her small breakfast.

We walked around the dining room table ten times, five rounds in each direction, but I couldn't engage in her in any other exercises or stretches. She went back to her fitful dozing. She was angry that Dad went to church. There is a part of her that understands why he goes, but another part of her that feels like she is abandoned by him when he does.

Her mind is tired, her body is tired, she is caving in.

She ate a whole bowl of white bean and kale soup left over from my sister's batch, and a few crackers and grapes for lunch. A handful of trail mix with chocolate bits for dessert. After lunch, she opted for the couch.

I stayed until Dad came home, a little after one p.m.

I am hoping today she will feel better. I am hoping that yesterday was just a bad day.

She can no longer read or write, play piano or cook, change her clothes. Her sense of time is completely distorted. She does not want pity, and yet she craves comfort from this constant confusion. Her mind no longer belongs to her anymore, it is on it's own poisoned mission.

I just wish I could take away her pain and discomfort, but how does one soothe the brain?