Waiting

I didn't get over there in time to see Maria yesterday, but I could tell she did her usual great care on Mom. When I showed up, Nurse M. was just finishing up with Mom. She began to tell me what she had been speaking about with Dad, which is the possibility of long term hospice care. She wanted to be sure that I understood the criteria, one major one being significant and drastic weight loss, and that the doctor estimates that the person has six months or less to live. There are more, but I'll spare myself writing them down here.

This was being said in front of Mom, who was in her usual position on the couch, listening but unable to really comprehend what we were saying. At last, however, she began to moan (which she has been doing more and more lately.. a moaning whimper), so I helped her up and took her away from the conversation. As we rounded the corner near the front door, she cried out to me, "I don't want to die!" and cried some more. Naturally, that made me tear up, but I told her we were planning for long term help for her care. Which we are.

So, Nurse M. said that it may be as early as next week that we meet a new person (nurse?) to do the "evaluation" for the long term hospice part of the service. She left, and I hung around. Dad went for a walk. Mom was napping. I picked up the handful of brochures on the dining room table that Dad brought from the residential home he visited last week. I read about the services provided from two different hospice agencies. They offer on going care, equipment, counseling before and after death of your loved one. The agency we work with have a home in a city an hour away that we could bring Mom to for a period of time if we needed to.

April 6, 2011

The I picked up a brochure that went more into what to expect when the person is dying. When Dad came home from his walk, I made sure he read that. Reading that reminds us that these very well could be the last few months of Mom's life. She is showing signs of shutting down and preparing to die. I reminded Dad of this, that these could be times to treasure.

Of course, I could be wrong.

We've also discussed the idea of bringing the two twins beds from the upstairs guest room down to their bedroom, and bringing their double bed upstairs. This way, not only would Dad maybe get better rest without Mom's "twitching" in bed, but also it would make it more comfortable if, say, I or somebody else volunteered to sleep in the bedroom for a night, so that Dad could sleep in another room. Mom has been getting up a little more frequently in the middle of the night, sometimes wandering out in to the living room. I'd like to prevent any future falls. At first Dad was against the idea, but now I think he might be warming to it. We can't do it until my brother comes up to help, the large mattress and box spring look pretty heavy.

Mom has been bringing up "wanting to go home" much more frequently. She wants to go home. I'm pretty sure it means she wants to feel normal again. It's so fucking sad.